“I Really Don't Care For People!!”

There I said it….

You’re probably thinking “Well That’s Not Very Nice” but before passing judgment, that's how I feel sometimes towards some people. Now how I act is entirely different. Some may say it's  hypocritical to not like someone but act as I do. 

You must agree, some people are really just hard to like, either they are belligerent or their personality traits grate against ours.

Sometimes people's ethics and morals make it difficult for us not to judge them. If I don't like them I don't want to listen to them, nevertheless I still have to work with them, meet with them, do business with them and socialize with them. I must help keep them safe, I want to like them. 

So here is the problem “I don’t care but I want to” It would be deceitful for me to fain care, so I must really genuinely care. I must find ways to develop and show honest affection for them.

Now “Honest” that’s the hard part,  if I don't care for them. I must get myself to the point where I do care.  If I'm going to be genuine it must change me, but how?

Emotional Investment is the primer that breaks the code to genuine care. What is “Emotional Investment”? 

Emotional Investment is the act of investing in another person through the exchange of personal and emotionally connected experiences, activities etc…This act of investing requires deliberate effort and preparation.

So what do we do?

Well it’s not rocket science; you have to get to know the person, but you don't go right in and start asking lots of questions. Because you don't want them to feel like they're being interrogated. I find it's best to open up things about myself; I share with them my life, and my joys. I have discovered that offering up personal information that is emotionally connected shows the person I really want to get to know them. Its quid pro quo - you give, they give etc. Here are a few pointers.

• Pick a time that is comfortable for them, maybe at their workstation or on a break.
• Don't force the issue as it may take a few tries to get a response.
• Make sure your body is not positioned above them. Like standing up while they're sitting down.
• Make sure nothing is between you and them like a desk or table.
• Make sure your body language is open, hands in view empty and arms open not crossed.
• If they come to you and speak to you, stop what you're doing turn towards them and listen. Don't continue to face your computer because it sends the message that you don't have time to listen.
• If there on the phone, don't wait around come back later.
• Eye contact is important, but don't get into a staring contest.
• When it’s your turn to talk compare your life to theirs by using some of their own words, doing this shows you were listening.
• For obvious reasons never talk about others good or bad it's gossiping.
• If something seems unbelievable and you suspected to be untrue don't challenge it give them the benefit of the doubt. We have all that interesting lives and many of us have had remarkable experiences that are hard to believe.
• Tilting the head and nodding is a good indicator that you're listening.
• Lastly remember it's likely that they've already picked up on the vibe that you not really fond of them, so they may come off as a bit skeptical.

So while making it safe all the while remain patient and understanding. Here is just some of the type of questions you might want to ask:

• I grew up in Oklahoma; I remember one time fishing with my grandfather, before he passed away we got very close I still miss him terribly. Where is your hometown?


• I guess that's why like to fish so much, it reminds me of my time with him. Do you have any hobbies?

I guess the great thing about this process is that it doesn't require a lot of effort, it just requires action.

Remember that most of the negative perceptions we have about people are very wrong. That's because perceptions are seldom based on truth. Often they are based on rumors, misunderstandings.

The way others have treated us affects our perceptions, because we place those feelings others have imprinted on us on people undeserving of such judgment.

So the next time you “Just Don't Care”, remember:

Everybody has somebody who loves them, everybody is worthy of friendship, everybody deserves a chance.